I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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