I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
