dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize