I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
