i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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