remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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