he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize