Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
