My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
