So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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