piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
