She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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