The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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