Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
