this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
