I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
