First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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