I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
