Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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