I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
