not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
