We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
