I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
