I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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