I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
