Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
