Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
