found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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