I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Drake has all the answers
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
