Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
