So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
