guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
