It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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