Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
