And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
