So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
