i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
