wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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