i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
