yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
