Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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