Soap is not a condiment
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
