I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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