i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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