I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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