She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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