1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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