Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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