No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
