dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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