WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize