is your mom at the bar?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
