well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
