awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
