I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize