Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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