what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need moral support for this bender
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
