so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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