i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Randomize
