It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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