Where is the hickey?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
