k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
