ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can I color on your dick again?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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