Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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