Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What drink are we having for lunch?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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