so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
