no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
