Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
