wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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