My room smells like vodka and shame
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
